I’m done.
At least, I hope I am.
Today begins the process of quitting Ambien.
Ambien, also known as zolpidem, is a nonbenzodiazepine hypnotic drug used to treat short-term insomnia. It acts as a sedative, and helps ease patients into sleep over a time span of approximately seven hours. Known side effects include amnesia and hallucination, and patients experience physical tolerance and psychological dependence with prolonged use. Quitting Ambien often results in withdrawal symptoms, including nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, and rebound insomnia. For these reasons, the FDA recommends patients not take Ambien for more than 7 nights in a row; doctors are advised to prescribe 30 units of the pill with no refills.
To date, I have taken approximately 750 units of Ambien over the course of 5 years. Doctors in Savannah, Atlanta, and Prague have all happily written me scripts for the drug; with a short office visit, and $35 copay, my next batch of pills can be in my hand by this evening.
Over time, I have learned more about Ambien than the pharmacist can tell you. I know the blue pills work quicker than the white ones; I know the round ones are always stronger than the oval ones; I know the name-brand Ambien is only slightly better than the generic; I know the CR (controlled release) makes me feel groggy in the morning; I know consumption of dairy inhibits absorption; and I know snorting Ambien is a very, very bad idea.
Ambien rules my life. Every night I make sure I have enough time for the pill to kick in before I’m ready for bed. I make sure I am not too drunk, stoned, or full of dairy; Ambien does not play well with other substances. I know how many pills I have left (22), when I need to go back to the doctor (February 27), and which doctor I need to go to this time (Dr. Broward).
It’s time to quit. This is not sustainable.
In this blog, I will document the process of quitting Ambien. I know this will be a physically and psychologically painful experience, and I’m totally dreading it. One day I hope to be able to curl up to a man I love and fall asleep naturally; because of my Ambien addiction, I am alone every night of my life.
In order to fully, and honestly, document the process, let me establish some ground rules:
1. I will not lie about how Ambien affects my life.
2. I will address home Ambien effects those around me.
3. I will describe these problems as fully, and as accurately, as possible.
3.1. Video will be used when possible.
